(This entry is an old draft, from several months ago, that I saved and never posted. I've gone back and finished it for your viewing pleasure.)
It's been a while since we last spoke
The craziest thing about being vulnerable is the results! surprising!
I work with three women, they all have 2-3 kids, families, etc. This one co-worker in particular was having a rough couple days (she's going through menopause). I don't know exactly what that means, but she reminds me often that she IS going through it, so I imagine its unpleasant in the least. Anyway, I was praying for her one night as I lay in bed, just conversationally talking to God about helping her...
And I got this idea to write her a letter. So I sat up, clicked on the light, and began writing. I told her what I appreciated about her and ended with a short bit of prayer for her. The next day I left it on her desk before she got into work.
Later that day, I walked into her office looking for a certain product, and as I shuffled through items, she said, "Thank you for your thoughts in that letter. It was sweet."
...I turned and said said, "You're welcome", and found myself facing a pair of eyes that weren't purely thankful...
She paused, as if waiting for me to respond with more, and when I did not, she pressed in further. "You make it seem like I'm going through hell. I'm doing fine. I'm just going through menopause." (The last word, "menopause" spoken with a bit more emphasis than the rest.)
I replied that I hadn't been trying to imply anything of the sort, and I apologized for how my words affected her. The conversation ended awkwardly and it took her a few days to get back to treating me normally.
That's the story, and here is the concluding thought:
This is an example of ME, doing something outside my comfort zone. I usually don't like doing stuff like giving a heartfelt letter to a co-worker for fear of reactions like the one she had. ha.
It actually wasn't that bad though; it didn't affect me like I thought it would. I feared being honest and sincere like that because I thought a bad reaction would wreck and batter my heart.
Not too say that it was warm and fuzzy all over; it kinda sucked, being honest and friendly and have it taken completely different than expected. But I guess I ended up feeling okay with it, because I did my best to make good of the situation. In fact, you could say I was proud of myself after that. That day was a step in the right direction for the growth and maturity of my heart.
more later. :)
