Vulnerability...what?

I was crying to the LORD with my voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain. Selah.

....

*In remembrance of Joey Salas*

He sat across from me, his dark eyes seeming restless and non-commital.

The posture of his body in an oddly comfortable, yet contorted position.

He said he thought that I had just this tiny little block that was holding me back from being strong, and free, and living the life i was created to live.

That quintessential man, who is confident and assured, with purpose and power...that man seems so close, as if held back and bound by a string of mere twine. (this part was my own embellishment, but I'm sure Joey would give his approval, were he here today.)



That night ended with popcorn and shows on TLC about wedding dresses, but before we drove away from the church where we had reclined and "chilled", AND before we had left the parking lot of Casa Roja's...he told me something I'd always known about myself, but had little understanding of how to address.



He pointed right at my heart, open and ungaurded in his discerning eyes, and said, "I think you need to be more vulnerable."



I agreed, with little emotion to the contrary, and we moved on in our conversational path, beginning some odd argument/battle/dialogue over "the heart of spiritual warfare." We wrestled over it for quite some time before it was remedied by the wise third party word's of Hanna, Joey's Fiance. She was in the middle of eating Juan's burrito, but she cleared up what we THOUGHT was a disagreement, with little difficulty. (By the way, we're not sure who Juan is, but his burrito is siiiick!).

I digress. Back on track. Vulnerability. This morning, in Growth Group, for the college age youth at our church, Rhonda began talking about bondage, and how she wanted us to go into a prolonged study of Christ's promises to us, in relation to bondage we are under.

I hate vulnerability, but I want it.
...
...
...
I want it SO bad! I'm SO hungry for this person I am to be righted. For my heart to be satisfied. For my life to be one of love and rejoicing! I thirst for depth and truth!

Because of the discussion that followed the Rhonda's introduction into our new study, I was left with frustration brimming over the mixing pot of my heart. My frustration stemmed from the comparison of the present state of hearts with this dream of mine: I want the body of believers, in which I am a part, to be truthful in their thoughts and feelings, open to being wrong and willing to change, and most of all, loving in their approach to resolving this very apparent need of accountability and freedom.

This first post is simply to begin a passage from a clammed up, scared person, to one who is confident and vulnerable with support and accountability. A roadmarker, if you will, at the start of a wonderful journey!

stay tuned...